Stats ruin everything!

I gotta say I am not a math wiz. One thing I hate more than anything is when I am sitting down to watch a game and all I see is stats about the best pitcher, the most homer runs, the most touchdowns and all of that jazz. Stats don’t get me excited. If anything most of the time when an announcer tells you that something hasn’t happened in X amount of time- it happens that game! Basically it ruins everything! Your team hasn’t lost at home in 20 games? Welp they are losing tonight. This pitcher has the best batting average against lefties, tonight is the night lefties dominate. It is just the way it works.

This had me thinking. What other life events would be ruined if we started inundating those events with stats. Here are a few I came up with:

1) Pregnancy: How about in that special moment when you are about to give life you are given the stats of survival for moms while giving birth. How about the stats of baby’s being born stillborn. Stats of giving birth to a kid with birth defects? I am sure those stats would really brighten up that special moment!

2) Weddings: Right as you are about to say “I do” the ceremony stops and you are given the divorce rate stats. How about the financial stats of newlyweds? That is exactly what you wanna hear as you promise to love someone till the end of time.

3) Buying a House: How about before you sign the papers you are given all the stats of new homeowners with a large repair needed within the first five years. Stats for roof issues? Stats for home insurance claims? The list goes on and on.

Stats are a part of life. They are out there and if we want to find them it would be easy enough to do. The fact is there are many stats we just don’t want to be reminded of in the moment. And I am someone who would prefer to not be reminded of sports stats when I am trying to enjoy a game!

Facebook for Dogs?

So the other day I came across an interesting statistic: 10 % of Facebook users are non human. This got me to thinking if they are not human what are they? I wracked my brain thinking of all the crazy things on Facebook and I have come up with the top 3 funniest non- human Facebook profile types I have encountered:

3) Toasters- Yes you read that right Toasters. At first I thought it was a fan page (because I mean seriously who does not love toasters) but no my friends it is an actual page for a toaster. This isn’t even a page for the Brave Little Toaster, if it was I would friend him. Who wouldnt want to be his friend? Nope this is a Toaster. Plain and simple. And from the looks of his wall posts this Toaster seems to enjoy art work. So whats next does the Fridge get a Facebook page too?

Wanna be my friend?

2) Facebook Parody Pages- these pages range from making fun of Barack Obama to making fun of Satan himself. Now I classify these as “non human” because he person whose name is attached to these pages are in no way affiliated with said pages. Thus, it is not a page for an individual or a human.

1) Pets! Now Don’t get me wrong here my dog is my absolute best friend. However, the last time I checked she did not have opposable thumbs so there is no way she is updating her Facebook status! Many of the pages are very cute with pictures and stuff but the image of seeing my pooch at the computer typing to her friends is one I really can’t quite get out of my head.

 

This begs the question though. What other bizzare non-human Facebook pages have you come across bloggers?