A Letter To a One Night Stand- The Male Perspective

I am going to start this post by saying I know it is going to get a lot of heat. I am a girl writing from a guys point of view but please let me explain. I read this letter which I will be responding to 4 or 5 times. And I noticed the signs of a typical girl I see all the time and I really felt I needed to write something about it. As I have stated on this blog before I am a girl with a million guy friends and I hear all about the different women they take home. Girls, we can’t play victims we know the game. If you don’t want to be disrespected don’t disrespect yourself. Here is my fictional version of the Male side of the story. Note this is meant to be humorous but it is based in reality.

To Mrs. Last Weekend,

I want to start off by telling you my name Derek Davis. You start your letter off to me but acknowledging that you did not tell me your last name. However please think about this for a minute. Did I tell you yours? Well I must have because you were able to locate and friend me on Facebook. Did you ever think I may not have accepted it because I didn’t know who you were? Just a thought.

Also, you mention that every time you make eye contact I look away. Did you consider the possibility that the one night stand you speak of was not my proudest night? I am not the guy who goes to the bar and takes a girl home for fun. But since you didnt get a chance to get to know me you wouldn’t know that. Hopefully this letter fixes that.

Now lets speak to your “slut” definition. You ask if the clothes you wore made you into a “slut” in my eyes. The answer to that is no. If you look up the word slut in the urban dictionary you will see the first definition is “a woman with the morals of a man”. Honestly, that is how you portrayed yourself. You seemed casual and cool about the idea of a one night stand. You talked tirelessly about how much “you don’t care” how you feel in the morning and how the tequila is taking over and you “kind of like it.” I figured this was something you did pretty often and knowing many other girls like you I didn’t think it was a bad situation.

Please understand there are girls out there who will sleep with a guy once and not play victim the next day. I did not tie your hands behind your back and throw you in my car. You came willingly. You pursued me. I never promised anything for the next day. In fact in your little letter you even acknowledged that I told you where my heart was. As you so eloquently put it, “You didn’t want me to be at the party. You were hoping you’d be able to hangout with the girl you actually like who doesn’t give you the time of day, the girl who definitely isn’t sleeping with you and probably never will.” And you are right. I wanted to be with her but she doesn’t want to be with me right now. And no it doesn’t feel awesome but I can’t just sit around waiting can I. So I went out and I met you. I let my mind wander for a little bit. But you knew exactly where my heart was and you still wanted to move forward.

You make a claim that maybe part of the problem is you went home with me on the first night, but see this is where you are wrong. I could’ve respected you for that. We were in the same boat. Lonely and looking for companionship. What I couldn’t respect you for was playing the victim after and acting like I was a bad guy for not wanting to head down the marriage path afterwards. We didn’t exchange numbers, we didn’t make future plans, either one of us- to then put it on me the next day in such a public forum, that’s what I can’t respect you for.

Oh and should we discuss you sneaking out early? That was really the pinnacle of class. If you really wanted something to come out of this would you have elbowed me in the face at 4 am so you could sneak out before the sun came up? Sure you had “something to do” but it felt more like a routine you had practiced and mastered. Don’t play victim with me when its your own game you are playing and as far as I can tell from all the support you have drummed up you are winning. So congrats at that.

So next time you embark on a one night stand because you want to “kiss hot guys” and “feel attractive” remember that a guy won’t respect you until you respect yourself. Please don’t expect us to treat you any better than you treat yourself. It is unfair and uncalled for. We want to find that girl to marry as well and when we see her doing everything she can to get attention from the first guy that looks her way at the bar we see a wife who is never satisfied. If you want to be “wifed up” get your priorities straight. Having lots of men find you attractive doesn’t make you sexy. What makes you sexy is not caring what anyone else thinks. Focus on you. Be happy with you. Then the right guy will come your way.

Derek

P.S I am sorry I did not answer the 1 million text messages you sent my way. Please re- read this letter for clarification.

Bloggers, let me have it. Did this letter go to far for you?

Have We Become Prudes?

In this day and age sex is literally all around us. One minute we might be watching Miley Cyrus make out with a hammer and the next minute we are watching half naked women dance around Robin Thicke. This is the society we have created for ourselves. Like it or not, we are sex fanatics.

So why does it seem when it comes to politics we have become prudes? The politician who brought this to my attention is Anthony Weiner. Now, although I have enjoyed watching every satire from the danger theme song to commentary on just how appropriate his name is, it begs the question, what does this have to do with politics? Yes, he lied. So does every other politician every time his mouth opens. Not only are we not voting for him but every news outlet and comedian in the USA has taken to publicly shaming him. So I decided to look back a little and see if we were always this way.

The biggest sex scandal I can think of in my lifetime is that of Bill Clinton. Every jokester in the world came out for this one. And I have to admit I laughed. This scandal even went as far as impeaching him but thankfully the Senate acquitted him. And you know what? It had NOTHING to do with how he did as a president. Actually in my opinion he did very well as a President besides that. But regardless of your political views his relations with another woman was none of our business and luckily we figured that out before it was too late.

But back in the day, we never even tried to make it our business. According to Anthony Man, at the Sun Sentinel; “here are weeks when Kennedy was with three different women, not including his wife. He would occasionally have threesomes in the White House pool with two women in their 20s from the secretarial pool, even though, he said, “they did not type.” And Kennedy said he’d get headaches if he went more than two days without sex.”

During this time plenty of President’s engaged in affairs that may not have made them the best of men. But you know what? We didn’t care. So here’s my task to you. Look at your boss. Now imagine they are having an affair with their spouse. Do you care? Does it affect you getting a paycheck everyday? Does it affect the way the business is conducted? I didn’t think so. So stop basing political decisions on sexual indiscretions and focus on the issues at hand.

So bloggers, what do you think. Have we become prudes?

Why all marriages do not have to end in divorce.

The other day I posted an innocent status. I was looking for a small gift to buy my co-worker who was returning from getting married. I posted a status looking for ideas. I was NOT expecting the replies I received. The replies ranged from divorce card to noose. A discussion began on my status thread as to why most marriages end in divorce. As a Disney child I have to admit I am 100 % a hopeless romantic. As the discussion continued I couldn’t help but think to myself, ‘I hope when I get married I don’t feel this way.’ So I got inspired, I decided to go through the top three reasons I have heard for why marriages end in divorce and supply a solution.

Reason 1: When two people get married, the sex stops.

Does it have to? I get that being with the same person for years and years can get boring. But you don’t have to let it. In this age of technology there are so many ideas right at your fingertips to help keep the romance alive. Websites like: http://www.thedatingdivas.com/, have ideas not only on fun dates that can help married couples stay in love but they also have ideas to keep the bedroom exciting. If the love life in a marriage is starting to suffer why cant someone take control and start doing something about it instead of looking elsewhere?

 

Reason 2: MONEY, enough said.

Okay I will admit this is a tricky one. When finances start becoming a problem things begin to look bleak. This is not an easy fix especially in this economy. But, I think the important thing here is working through it together. Lets face it, two incomes is better than one, even if the incomes take a massive hit. Marriage is about loving someone “for better or for worse” so why turn away when things get rocky. Maybe take this time to become a crazy coupon lady or start planning stay at home dates that cost little to no money. Just remember, money doesn’t buy happiness. The key to getting through any money issue in a marriage in my eyes is to do it with your spouse by your side.

Reason 3: Got married for the wrong reasons.

Okay this one needs to get corrected BEFORE you get married. I have seen too many people get married too young, settle down because they don’t want to be alone, get married because they got pregnant and a million in one reasons other than LOVE. Marriage is about finding someone you want to spend the rest of your days with. If you are getting married for any other reason whatsoever, DON’T DO IT! Yes, you will hear stories where it worked out and the two people are now more happy than ever. However, the odds are that will NOT happen to you. Remember you hear stories about people winning the lottery but you are not gullible enough to quit your job assured that it will happen to you. So with the same logic, don’t jump into a marriage you do not feel 100 % about just because it MIGHT work. This is the rest of your life you are gambling with, don’t make a bet you can’t afford to lose.

 

Heres a tip- they are probably too young 😉

Alright I will end my rant here. The hopeless romantic has tried to give the jaded ones out there a little hope that the major issues that lead to divorce can be fixed.

How do you bloggers feel? Do you think the divorce rate could be adjusted if we adjusted the way we think about marriage?