The media has a way of controlling our outlook on so many things. The media shapes what we wear, what we eat and even who we date. The problem with this is the media has a way of showing the most dysfunctional relationships and making them seem almost normal. For young and impressionable girls (like myself) this can be awfully confusing. There are three relationship types I have noticed really highlighted in the media over the last year or so:
The Giant Age Gap:
Relationships like Hef and any one of his many wives is NOT normal. These girls are with him for one thing and one thing only- money. The marriages are strange and the whole living arrangement is down right disturbing. However, I myself sometimes watch “The Girls Next Door” and think to myself…hmm that wouldn’t be so bad…This is NOT O.K. Girls we need to make a vow that we will put a limit on these insane age gaps. Money cannot cross 50 years…lets have a little respect for ourselves!
The Abuser: It is sad but the media has found a way to make the abusive relationship almost seem “cool”. It is not secret Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together. For those who don’t know, back a few years ago Chris Brown hit Rihanna and the pictures surfaced on the internet. The two took a break but Rihanna is now convinced that he has “really calmed down”. Girls this is NOT o.k! Yet again we need to have more respect for ourselves than this! If a guy EVER lays a hand on you there should be NO second chances. I don’t care who he is! Why does the media show this relationship as a normal relationship?!? Both of them need help. He needs anger management classes and she needs to go to therapy for her self esteem!
The Serial Dater: I need to start this by saying I love T. Swift. She is an absolute sweetheart with absolutely adorable songs. That being said, that bitch needs to calm down in the dating world. She doesn’t hang on to a boy longer than a month before she writes a song about him and moves on to the next one. Whats worse? She invests a lot in the boys she dates even after a short period of time. For example she bought quite the pricey boy next to the Kennedy boy’s house but she is already two boys past him now. This is another example where we as girls need to have more respect for ourselves. It is o.k to be alone! This type of relationship shows us that we always NEED to be in a relationship but this is not the case! What does T. Swift need a man for? She has money, fame and fans- she doesn’t NEED anything else…she NEEDS some self esteem!
What other celeb relationships do you think the media make look normal that really shouldn’t be portrayed as normal?
One thing I have gotten back into lately is reading. The book I most recently finished was “Why We Broke Up” by Daniel Handler. The book basically goes through the relationship of a guy and a girl using items as ways to remember different stories. Each item solicits a story that ends up explaining why they broke up. The book is written as if the girl is writing a letter to the boy who at the end of the book she gives him with all the stuff that reminds her of him. This really seemed to me to be a great way to get closure. So I decided I would try to do this for a past relationship of mine that ended a bit messy and I really haven’t been able to quite get out of my head. Now since this is a blog and not a book I didn’t pick a thousand items and they wont be long stories but here is my short version of “Why We Broke Up”
This was a drawing you did for me very soon after we got together the second time. The first movie we ever saw together was “Up” and the first time we were together I asked you to draw me a picture from it because we said that we would have that kind of relationship. The movie was special to us and it meant the world to me. However, the first time we were together this drawing never was completed because you left me before you had a chance to draw it. So after a year break and we got back together this was one of the first drawings you did for me. The drawing was special because you hid messages to me throughout the drawing. Messages I didn’t find until long after you were gone. Messages included “My First My Middle Your Last” (, “I will never leave you again (was this a joke?) “I love you”. Also see that crow and butterfly on that drawing? That wasn’t from the movie but rather your reference to our song, “The Crow and the Butterfly” by Shinedown. Looking back maybe I should have known something would go wrong. Our movie and song together both represented relationships that had ended. In the movie they were apart because of death, the song they broke up. How didn’t I see this coming? But it is safe to say this is one of the reasons we broke up.
This was a Christmas List I started when we were together the second time. The only stuff written down is the stuff that we bought while we were together. Notice how its your family on that list and that the list is extra short? That is because in the three times we were together we never once spent a Christmas together. However, I liked to plan ahead and when I did think of shopping for Christmas even though it was summertime- it was you who came first. I made sure you had a gift to give your mom even though I was never there to give it to her with you. Each relationship we had always started right around March as the weather started warming up and always died out before the summer ended. We had what they would call a summer romance- for three summers in a row. It seems as the weather got colder- so did your feet. This should have been a sign to me that you would have never made it down the aisle- if the weather gave you cold feet- a wedding aisle would have given your feet frost bite.
Finally, the ring that I thought really meant you were in it to stay. This ring was a combination of a ring that was given to me when I was only eighteen and then another ring put together. I loved the vintage, unique feel of this ring. But this ring never quite made it on my finger. You did propose to me I have to give you that. However, you proposed to me with a promise ring. That promise ring did not make this list because that ring is not why we broke up- that ring is why we stayed together. You picked that ring out for my yourself, without me knowing, at a shop I had never even heard of. You brought me to a gazebo in a park (just like our first date) and got down on one knee and promised me we would be together forever. It was an amazing moment. However, this ring here I picked out. I dragged you to the store and set you up on a payment plan for it. I put it under my name and even helped pay for it on the months you needed help. But it was something we were doing together. We made a day trip out of the times we went to make payments on it. And we even managed to pay it off while being together. I thought this meant something. However, you didn’t propose right away- you wanted to find the right moment. And this is why we broke up. The right moment wasn’t there not because you hesitated to make it perfect- you hesitated because you still weren’t quite sure.
The signs were there my love. We should have seen them in the moments that we shared. But those moments are encapsulated in the items that are left behind and this is why I will never forget you. Although this is the story of why we broke up- these items also tell me stories of why we were together.