20

Everyone is NOT a winner!

This post was inspired by a child’s football game I attended to watch my sister cheer. At the game I learned that if a team scores too much over the opponents score, this is considered taunting and the team will receive a penalty. What’s more? The team is also required to write a letter explaining why they scored so high above their opponents score. All I could do was scratch my head at this. These children are being penalized for playing so well? How is it their teams fault that the other team didn’t play as well? Would a professional team think twice before dominating their opponent? Of course not! So why should these kids be any different?

As I researched this issue a little more I learned there is a bigger issue. These days every kid is considered a “winner”. When frankly this is just not the case. I am sorry if I am bursting anyone’s bubble but we are not all created equal. You sit me down for a math exam I guarantee you I will come out with one of the lowest (if not THE lowest score) in the room. Ask me to comprehend a book (any book) for you and I bet i could do this better than most. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Additionally we all have bad days and good days. And most of all, there is ALWAYS someone who is better than us at SOMETHING!

This is something we should learn young and learn it well. Because when you get into the real world it can be a splash of ice cold water if you were brought up to believe everyone is a “winner.” You will go on an interview and not get the job. You will apply for a school and not get in. You will fight for the man of your dreams and lose. This is life. Learn to love it.

According to this NY times article, “Carol Dweck, a psychology professor at Stanford University, found that kids respond positively to praise; they enjoy hearing that they’re talented, smart and so on. But after such praise of their innate abilities, they collapse at the first experience of difficulty. Demoralized by their failure, they say they’d rather cheat than risk failing again.”

We are not helping out kids by patting their back for existing. We should save the praise for when it counts so it means something! False encouragement gets us no where.

Since I am not a mom maybe I am totally off on this so I turn to you bloggers and moms out there, do you think losing is good for your children?

12

Dear Future (Or Current) Boyfriend

Starting the year off in a new relationship can be really scary. Of course we all try to start new and not let old mistakes take control of us but of course there are some things we wish we could all tell our new flame right off the bat to kind of warn them early on about what may happen. I came across this letter that a girl wrote to her future boyfriend and I thought this was a great idea. What would we say to our new flame if we could put everything on the table to start out. This way there would be no surprises. Now of course I can’t really write my new boyfriend a letter but I can definitely imagine what I would say…

Dear Future (or current) Boyfriend,

Well if you are reading this clearly you have made it past some serious obstacles. I can be a tough girl to crack. Congrats on getting through my walls. Sad to say my friend but you have a few more bumps in the road before it is easy coasting.

I have been through a few too many bad relationships. Because of this I have major insecurity issues. I will tell you that I am scared I am gonna screw things up at least a thousand times. If I am not saying that to you, be worried, I might not care as much as I am letting on. However, if I am telling you that, rest assured this means I really like you and I am genuinely afraid that this will turn out like all the rest, a train wreck. Best way to handle this? Reassure me as often as you can. Might seem annoying but holding my hand a little longer than normal, sending an adorable text message, or surprising me on a night I wasn’t expecting to see you will help more than you know. It’s the little things that count.

On that note, trust issues, I have those in bulk. But I do try. I will worry if your ex was prettier than me, I will worry if your super awesome best girl friend is just a little too awesome and I will worry if a text message just doesn’t seem quite cute enough. Don’t worry though, this will pass. Prove to me I can trust you. Be honest with me about your past and keep me in the loop on current events in your life. Once I know there is no reason not to trust you, I will let you in. Just be patient with me. Trust with me is earned.

Another thing you should know, you are not my only love. I am sorry but Eeyore has had a place in my heart long before you came and I refuse to let him go. He takes up much of my apartment and he will continue to devour my free space. Learn to love him. He will become a big part of your life if you want to become a big part of mine. Want to make me smile? Find an Eeyore I don’t have on Craigslist or something and take me on a day trip to get him and explore a town we haven’t been to before. Trust me, this would literally make my day.

Mostly what you need to know is I am a kind hearted girl with a wall around my heart. If you are willing to take the time to break down that wall you will find a caring, funny, sweet girl. If you want easy, move along because you won’t find it here. Nothing worth having is easy, you gotta fight for the best things in life. So fight for me and I promise you it will be worth it.

Hope this little road map helps you out as you start your journey with me!

 

Now of course I would never send this to any boyfriend current or future but oh what a help would it be! If you could write a letter to a future or current flame of yours what would you say?

8

Shower Me With Compliments

So given that its the holiday season, we are all bombarded with commercials telling us to shower our loved ones in whatever product the company sells. Diamonds, chocolates, flowers, you name it. But I have to say, and maybe because its single and I know expecting diamonds is like expecting to win the lottery, but I would not want to be showered with material things for the holidays.

Instead you know what I want to be showered with? Compliments. Now I realize this sounds silly and maybe even a little selfish. However, nothing brightens my day more than a totally unexpected and unsolicited compliment. An example would be a commenter here on this old blog.

One of my favorite bloggers, Ronnie, always leaves me a comment and often times he says how I write the “most interesting blog posts” or something to that affect. For some reason just little comments like that brighten my whole day and make me want to keep writing. Knowing that someone appreciates what you do really does make a world of difference.

Or how about the times you take the time to do your hair and someone on the street notices you and pays you a compliment. I can’t be the only one who smiles at that.

I have to say this year has been a hard year and I am finally getting on my feet again. New job, bills are paid up to day and the holiday season is upon us. A few compliments doesn’t take too much effort and is totally free. Maybe its the gift you should consider giving your loved ones this year. I promise you won’t regret it!

14

Ashton’s Words of Wisdom

Over the past few weeks I have really been focusing on putting myself first and making a better life for me. Being unemployed has given me time to think and realize the things that are important to me. I have made fitness, education, employment and happiness priorities in life. I think often we take a lot for granted and we end up miserable because we forget what is important.

Over the past few weeks I have written a few blog posts about women and the way they change themselves for men. One post I wrote that got a lot of comments was my response to a One Night Stand Letter. In it I wrote “What makes you sexy is not caring what anyone else thinks. Focus on you. Be happy with you. Then the right guy will come your way.” And the men gave me a lot of flack for it. Apparently they believed this was a very “female” thought and not fitting with the male perspective. I really started to doubt myself until I heard a little speech from Ashton Kutcher. Okay now before you turn away and think I have hopped on the crazy train hear me out.

I recently heard the speech Ashton gave at the Teen Choice awards and I have to say it could not have come at a better time in my life.

In the speech he said that, ““The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart. And being thoughtful. And being generous. Everything else is crap!”

I have to say I couldn’t agree more and he really validated for me that there are men out there who do think that way! I wasn’t dreaming.

Ashton’s speech really is inspiring. He talks about the importance of hard work and the importance of appreciating what you have and making the best out of everything. Its a lesson I am teaching myself and the speech really came at a great time.

Take a listen to the speech maybe its something you need to hear too!

Have you ever heard words of wisdom from a totally unexpected place and couldn’t be more grateful?

10

Why all marriages do not have to end in divorce.

The other day I posted an innocent status. I was looking for a small gift to buy my co-worker who was returning from getting married. I posted a status looking for ideas. I was NOT expecting the replies I received. The replies ranged from divorce card to noose. A discussion began on my status thread as to why most marriages end in divorce. As a Disney child I have to admit I am 100 % a hopeless romantic. As the discussion continued I couldn’t help but think to myself, ‘I hope when I get married I don’t feel this way.’ So I got inspired, I decided to go through the top three reasons I have heard for why marriages end in divorce and supply a solution.

Reason 1: When two people get married, the sex stops.

Does it have to? I get that being with the same person for years and years can get boring. But you don’t have to let it. In this age of technology there are so many ideas right at your fingertips to help keep the romance alive. Websites like: http://www.thedatingdivas.com/, have ideas not only on fun dates that can help married couples stay in love but they also have ideas to keep the bedroom exciting. If the love life in a marriage is starting to suffer why cant someone take control and start doing something about it instead of looking elsewhere?

 

Reason 2: MONEY, enough said.

Okay I will admit this is a tricky one. When finances start becoming a problem things begin to look bleak. This is not an easy fix especially in this economy. But, I think the important thing here is working through it together. Lets face it, two incomes is better than one, even if the incomes take a massive hit. Marriage is about loving someone “for better or for worse” so why turn away when things get rocky. Maybe take this time to become a crazy coupon lady or start planning stay at home dates that cost little to no money. Just remember, money doesn’t buy happiness. The key to getting through any money issue in a marriage in my eyes is to do it with your spouse by your side.

Reason 3: Got married for the wrong reasons.

Okay this one needs to get corrected BEFORE you get married. I have seen too many people get married too young, settle down because they don’t want to be alone, get married because they got pregnant and a million in one reasons other than LOVE. Marriage is about finding someone you want to spend the rest of your days with. If you are getting married for any other reason whatsoever, DON’T DO IT! Yes, you will hear stories where it worked out and the two people are now more happy than ever. However, the odds are that will NOT happen to you. Remember you hear stories about people winning the lottery but you are not gullible enough to quit your job assured that it will happen to you. So with the same logic, don’t jump into a marriage you do not feel 100 % about just because it MIGHT work. This is the rest of your life you are gambling with, don’t make a bet you can’t afford to lose.

 

Heres a tip- they are probably too young 😉

Alright I will end my rant here. The hopeless romantic has tried to give the jaded ones out there a little hope that the major issues that lead to divorce can be fixed.

How do you bloggers feel? Do you think the divorce rate could be adjusted if we adjusted the way we think about marriage?

13

Taking A Little Time For Me!

During my travels in the blogosphere I noticed a growing trend. Many bloggers are posting lists of things they like about themselves. Even more shocking to me is there are ALOT of things on this list. One of the favorite lists I have seen is over at Misty Laws Blog (<a/>http://mistyslaws.wordpress.com/2013/01/14/i-feel-pretty-oh-so-pretty/<a/&gt;). I decided after reading her list that I wanted to try this as well. However, I wanted to add my own little spin to it.

Not too long ago I went through a dark time. A friend of mine told me that a good idea to get through a dark time is to write down the awesome things you have done in your life. Acknowledge the people you have in your life that had a positive influence on you and embrace the good, bad and ugly parts of your life. I have compiled a top ten list of things that I can recall from my life that make it a little easier to accept the things that are far from making the list:

10) I struggled like hell but I made it through college and came out the other side with a Bachelor’s Degree. Was it worth it? Well THAT is another blog post…

9) I am 24 years old and I manage to live in my own place and own my own car…I am making some progress…

8) I have finally been able to sing in front of others instead of only singing to the steering wheel and shower head…does the audience appreciate this…welll…who asked them?

7) I have developed a cute little following for my blog. I started off with nobody reading my blog and now I can count on a few close blogging friends to read every post 🙂

6) I have a solid job in the field I intend to stay in. In this economy this is something to truly cherish.

5) I have a small group of awesome friends that I never had before. For most of my life I was a loner but I have learned to make contacts with those I care about and not push them away- for those who know me THAT is an accomplishment.

4) I have started writing a novel that I am really passionate about. Lack of motivation aside I think if this ever gets completed it will really be a novel I can be proud of.

3) I am the proud Aunt of an adorable nephew whom I love more every day.

2) I am the Mommy of the best dog in the world- no one else opinion is needed on her- I am talking to YOU!

1) I have a little sister who has always and will always look up to me. She is my rock, my best friend, my world. She is the reason I strive every day to be the best that I can be.

Have you made a list like this? Let me know so I can check it out 🙂