Are men or women more sympathetic when the other is sick?

On the radio this morning they had a very interesting discussion question, “which gender is more sympathetic when the other one is sick?” This question found me at a great time because my boyfriend is just starting to get sick and the discussion about how differently men act when they are sick as opposed to women came up.

Now the radio said the survey proved that men are more sympathetic when the other is sick. At first I really did not agree with this. My reasoning was simple. Women tend to be the caretakers. So women tend to be the ones who make their partner soup, make sure they are taking medicine, make sure they are getting rest. While men have good intentions I have no experienced many men who are inclined this way. While my current boyfriend definitely takes care of me, it is not a gender thing but rather a fact that he is a good guy.

He gets a gold star for being awesome!

The more I listened though the more I agreed.

Here is where my first thoughts were wrong. Women are in fact the caretakers but that was never the question. The question was about sympathy. If you take a pole of ten women in the room it is almost guaranteed most women will say men are babies when they are sick (including me). That does not scream sympathy. If anything that is the opposite.

But men don’t generally feel this way about women. Of course the reason could be that many women (including myself) continue on with their daily lives even while sick. Many of us don’t slow down. We are women hear us roar! So men may have more sympathy because they understand how they feel when sick and women don’t show it as much.

Of course these are generalizations and many women and men might fall in the other side of things here which is why I find is such a fascinating discussion questions.

So I turn to you bloggers. Which gender do you feel is more sympathetic when the other is sick and why?


Discussion: Should Tipping Be Outlawed?

I ran across an article on life hacker that seems to require a response, “http://lifehacker.com/should-tipping-be-outlawed-609343758”. The article is titled, “Should tipping be outlawed?” For me the article wasn’t even what go to me but the comments that followed. One of the jobs I hold is a waitress and I think many people do not realize the importance of tips to us.

One comment on this blog was, ”

Not tipping doesn’t garnish their wages.

They are still required to be paid minimum wage.”

There are two things wrong with this statement. First of all, yes you are correct if within a weeks work we do not make minimum wage we do get the difference in our check. However, if you are like me and tend to make more on weekends then its very likely the weekdays where you don’t make it, the difference is not made up because the week evens out. Basically, I would have wasted a week night working. The other thing wrong with this statement is the fact that this person believes minimum wage is enough for a server. In 2012, Waitress was # 6 on the list of the worst jobs according to Careercast.com.

Anyone who has been in customer service understands that waitressing is not a fun or easy job. If waitresses are told they will make minimum wage and no tips many will quit (including myself). The job is not worth the money. You are constantly on your feet, balancing hot plans all around the restaurant and dealing with customers who equate you to a slave all while smiling.

Tips ensure that the smile stays on my face. As a waitress you put in the extra effort to get the extra dollar. When it ends it little to no tip many of us take mental note and try a little less the next time. Sure, its not fair because it is our job, but its my rent that suffers at the end of the day. For those of you who say no, your pay is fine because you make minimum wage that is not true. I have waitressed for roughly ten years and have a rough idea of how much I should make each day that I work. When I do not make THAT amount my finances suffer. This is not in the minimum wage ballpark.

My hope is that at some point people realize that waitresses ultimately get paid by tips. If you dont believe in tipping or don’t have the money to do so- stay home!


Bloggers what do you think? Should tipping be outlawed?


“The Help”- The discussion I was afraid to have…

So my mom and I run a book club. We meet once a month and discuss the book the club has chosen. This month the book club book was “The Help”. We all met up first to catch the movie so we could include the movie adaptation in our discussion. I have to say that this book definitely drew out one of the most interesting discussions we have had since the book club started. We talked about everything from gender discrimination, racism , civil rights, parenting, and a whole myriad of other topics. However, the discussion I was too afraid to really bring up is whether or not the character of Hilly was a sympathetic character.]

Don’t get me wrong, the topic of her came up. The opinion seemed to be the same across the board, she was a good mother but a horrible person. But, I am not all that sure. I want to preface this by saying that I do not agree with her views in any way and I am in no way trying to defend her character or defend the characters of those like her, I am more or less trying to understand the reason why someone would be the way she was.

For someone who didn’t read the book, I want to make clear who Hilly really was. Hilly was your typical Stepford wife. She was the head of her ladies league, she was in control of pretty much every aspect of her life and her town, she was your prom queen, head cheerleader or whatever other girl you and your friends wanted to be like growing up. One blogger describes her as follows:

“this character never really changes throughout the book. In the first chapter she’s set up as the villain and maintains that persona throughout the novel. What she does learn is that “Johnny” (Celia’s husband. Celia is the character Stockett called a red neck in a UK interview) never fell as hard for her as she apparently did for him. If evil had a name it would be Hilly. Her character is one of the weakest in terms of character development in the novel.”

Heres where my opinion differs, while I agree that Hillys campaign to separate the races is disgusting and wrong, for her time she was actually doing what many felt was right. Reading the book from a modern day point of view it is easy to view her as pure evil because we do not agree with her. Now, we understand that we are all just people and the lines that were drawn was foolish and cruel. But at the time this book took place, many people still felt these lines were needed. Many people still felt there was a difference between the races. It may have not been cruelty in their eyes but just ignorance. We need to remember that this is how they were brought up and although what they believed was wrong, they didn’t know that. Remember, for a time many people felt the world was square, does that make those people stupid?


One thing we all agreed on was Hilly was a good mom. Actually, one of the only good moms in the book. Could this have been the author’s way of trying to show that even the people who were unable to see the good in the impending change could still be good people?


One scenario our book club vaguely glossed over was that of Yule May. Yule May was Hilly’s maid. Yule May asked for a loan and Hilly said no and her reason was, “That a true Christian don’t give in charity to those who is well and able. Say it’s kinder to let them learn to work things out themselves” Yule May ends up stealing a ring and going to jail for it. Although I wanted to hate Hilly for this I was left with a nagging question. Would I go to my boss for a loan for something so personal? And even if I would if he said no would I turn to stealing? Both answers was a definitive no for me. Although this may seem cruel what happened to Yule May I think the reader needs to remember that she was Yule May’s boss not her friend. Even though Yule May’s intentions were pure she did break the law.

The movie did a good job portraying Hilly as the villain, but movies are much more cut and dry than books. I think that while Hilly was the type of person who needed to be educated on the need for change I don’t think she was a purely evil person. I think Hilly was 100 % a product of her society and bought into all that she had learned growing up. I don’t think she saw the problem with the way things were and she was more focused on her own power and popularity that the need for change was not on her list of priorities.

So I turn to you bloggers, what did you think of the character of Hilly Holbrook, was she pure evil? If you didn’t read the book what do you think of the type of character she represents?