The other day I posted an innocent status. I was looking for a small gift to buy my co-worker who was returning from getting married. I posted a status looking for ideas. I was NOT expecting the replies I received. The replies ranged from divorce card to noose. A discussion began on my status thread as to why most marriages end in divorce. As a Disney child I have to admit I am 100 % a hopeless romantic. As the discussion continued I couldn’t help but think to myself, ‘I hope when I get married I don’t feel this way.’ So I got inspired, I decided to go through the top three reasons I have heard for why marriages end in divorce and supply a solution.
Reason 1: When two people get married, the sex stops.
Does it have to? I get that being with the same person for years and years can get boring. But you don’t have to let it. In this age of technology there are so many ideas right at your fingertips to help keep the romance alive. Websites like: http://www.thedatingdivas.com/, have ideas not only on fun dates that can help married couples stay in love but they also have ideas to keep the bedroom exciting. If the love life in a marriage is starting to suffer why cant someone take control and start doing something about it instead of looking elsewhere?
Reason 2: MONEY, enough said.
Okay I will admit this is a tricky one. When finances start becoming a problem things begin to look bleak. This is not an easy fix especially in this economy. But, I think the important thing here is working through it together. Lets face it, two incomes is better than one, even if the incomes take a massive hit. Marriage is about loving someone “for better or for worse” so why turn away when things get rocky. Maybe take this time to become a crazy coupon lady or start planning stay at home dates that cost little to no money. Just remember, money doesn’t buy happiness. The key to getting through any money issue in a marriage in my eyes is to do it with your spouse by your side.
Reason 3: Got married for the wrong reasons.
Okay this one needs to get corrected BEFORE you get married. I have seen too many people get married too young, settle down because they don’t want to be alone, get married because they got pregnant and a million in one reasons other than LOVE. Marriage is about finding someone you want to spend the rest of your days with. If you are getting married for any other reason whatsoever, DON’T DO IT! Yes, you will hear stories where it worked out and the two people are now more happy than ever. However, the odds are that will NOT happen to you. Remember you hear stories about people winning the lottery but you are not gullible enough to quit your job assured that it will happen to you. So with the same logic, don’t jump into a marriage you do not feel 100 % about just because it MIGHT work. This is the rest of your life you are gambling with, don’t make a bet you can’t afford to lose.
Alright I will end my rant here. The hopeless romantic has tried to give the jaded ones out there a little hope that the major issues that lead to divorce can be fixed.
How do you bloggers feel? Do you think the divorce rate could be adjusted if we adjusted the way we think about marriage?
10 thoughts on “Why all marriages do not have to end in divorce.”
That last one is the biggest one of all. I’ve seen it a ton too. People get married because their friends to, they feel they have to, oh no I’m 30 and not married, ahhh, all that bs. Stupid, as they believe society and all its crap.
Society is the driving force for far too many stupid decision these days! Solution? Be you! Do what YOU want to do!
Ah Shae, It’s simple really. If you want to be married and that is your goal, find someone who feels the same way, go for it.. As always I hope and pray for the very best to you. Here comes the but….It’s not for everyone and should not be forced upon or thought of negatively for those who think it’s silly and not for them. Being a romantic has nothing to do with being married or not. You can be TOTALLY a romantic and have no desire for the expensive, lots of work wedding. I am big time into spending time with the love of your life (for the moment, cuz we all know how long forever after last tese days) taking trips, watching tv, etc. I love being dotted on and doing the return. Flowers, trips, jewels, gourmet meals….surprises…but we all don’t need the ceremony or bling or legal perks. Makes it easier just in case. Of course, if you happen to be religous or a slave to conservative societal propaganda, go for it and be happy to all. And, we have no idea what happened in Disney’s “ever-after.” Walt’s life wasn’t all that great or romantic. Maybe that is why he needed his make believe worldd that the rest of us are able to enjoy.
The point of this post was to highlight the reasons why those who are already married didnt work out and how that could be resolved. If you do not believe in marriage that is a different story for a different blog. But for those who do believe in marriage but still are having trouble make it work, I wanted to show there are ways to make it work. As you said, its not for everyone, but it is for some people and there are ways to avoid divorce if that is what both parties want and i wanted to highlight that in this post.
You may have noticed that I did not reply to that long thread about marriage on your Facebook status. And even though my marriage did not work out at all, I am still a firm believer in a marriage that can last a lifetime. But I hate to say that I could have told you before I even got married that my marriage was not going to last a lifetime. But for some reason I still did it. I’ll take the blame for getting into a marriage that I knew was no good for me. And even though I have been in my present relationship for 11 years and we are still not married, I still believe marriage can be a beautiful, life long, happy thing. It’s just the wedding that’s a pain in the ass!!! lol
Weddings are a bit of a pain and costly! But I think they are an amazing celebration with friends and family of a love you both want to last a lifetime. I think too many people make the wrong choice when they are young and naive and it scares them off from making the right choice later in life. Dont delay, make the right choice!
Social pressures of the times can really make a huge impact. My parents are incredibly unhappy. I have been praying for their divorce since I was in 3rd grade. They would have been happier, and my brother and I could have maybe enjoyed a pure childhood without the constant worry of why either one of them is unhappy and making mom cry. My mom told me she married because it was pressured, that’s what she was expected to do. This was In Peru and it was just expected. I think it’s lovely that you’re a romantic. I hope you keep your identity and self awareness, it looks like you have a good grasp on it 🙂
I am sorry to hear about your parents. Unfortunately social pressure does seem to be a huge factor when a marriage ends in divorce. I wish more people had the courage/ ability to choose with their heart rather than with a forced hand. Thanks for reading!
I’m not sure I fit a social norm. And this union was NOT my idea…I chalk it up to The Big Guy having a plan and not consulting me, though others might conclude it was the circumstances that drove the binding union we’ve been in for 10 years now. I got married the first time for all the wrong reasons, and I knew it. It didn’t deter me from doing it, but facts usually don’t deter me from doing what I do. This second union I entered into knowing it wasn’t about white picket fences, two cars and a happy dog…it really WAS a “til death do us part” thing. One of us will be burying the other. We talked that and knew that….and live in that reality. I think that made a huge difference in how we approached this union. Not that I believed a marriage certificate was required to have those honors, it was immigration that pushed the envelope. LOL. BLESS their hearts. We share our lives knowing the bottom lines and that’s made the world of difference. Not money or sex or whatever lousey excuse we can conjur up. Immigration wouldn’t let me share space….but the contract we signed and the vows we exchanged weren’t about anything but that simple bottom line. Who did I want to spend today with and who was I okay with burying me. The rest was just a bonus. LOL
See!! I do not qualify for “normal”!
Lucky for you Mel, I don’t believe in one definition of normal. What you described is normal to you and that is what matters. I find it empowering that you were able to basically get a “re-do” with your marriage and find the one you truly wanted to be with. Thats amazing and must be an awesome feeling!