So he didn’t call…

Now most of us women have seen the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You”. A handful of us are pathetic enough to have read the book. Well the author of the book Greg Behrendt is basically a genius in dating so I take his word for his gospel..he said:

“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs. “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fcking phone call.”
Greg Behrendt
Greg Behrendt
Amen to that! So the other day I posted a status that I thought would get raving cheers from all my lady friends. I post “Boys, I don’t care how busy you are if you go three days without talking to her you are not interested, no excuses.” It all starts off as expected, like, check, like, check, funny man hating comment, check, but then things started to spiral out of control….WOMEN DISAGREED!
First of all to all you ladies out there, repeat after me- “I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!” Feel good? Good! Now next time you want to disagree with your fellow lady friend in the battle of the sexes arena, please I beg of you do it in private! The men do not need to win their battles with a woman as their ring leader! We need to banned together even if we don’t agree. Men don’t need to know that!
Alright, now that THAT is out of my system on to the topic at hand- when a boy doesn’t call. Now the women folk in disagreement used the argument that if we want to talk to a boy we should make the effort. I’m sorry but did chivalry die? Did somewhere the roles reverse and the girls become the chasers and the boys become the chased? If that’s the case my dog and I are gonna get awfully cozy on Friday “date” nights because this girl is not interested.
The More I See of Men, the More I Love My Dog
Another shocker for me on this was the ones who disagreed seemed to be of the older generation. This had me scratching my head a little. Could it be that the older ladies were beginning to lose their marbles a little so they weren’t thinking clearly? Or maybe, they have been so brain washed by the man of the household model that they are trained to say what the men want them to say? No, that can’t be it because these are strong women. Maybe just maybe they actually believe that the “chase” at the start of a relationship should be 50/50.
Now, I need to make things clear. I am a girl all about putting in the effort. When I want to date you, you KNOW it. But I am not interested in becoming the stage five clinger you joke about with your friends. If I send you a text and you ignore, welp:
So this begs the question, how long is too long to go without calling your girl? For me, I stand by the 3 day rule. If you haven’t heard from him in 3 days- move on he’s not worth it.
How about you bloggers? How long is too long? And if you reach that mark of time do you call him or do you move on?

26 thoughts on “So he didn’t call…

  1. Being a man, I shall refrain from comment and exercise my rights under the 5th ammendment of the constitution of the United States.

    But remember this, girl. I’ll never stop cleaning this gun. You know what I mean. *wink*

  2. Shae, you always come up with the most INTERESTING post topics, girl!

    Well, being someone who is not currently dating and hasn’t for a very long time, I don’t know if I can answer this because…well…it’s been so long – HA!

    It’s funny because as I was reading this, I realize that whether it’s a straight couple dating or gay couple that’s dating we all have the same issues, especially during the beginning faze of who’s gonna call first.

    If I’m really interested in someone, I will usually call to either touch base again or to ask if they would like to get together again. And I can usually tell over the phone if they’re interested in taking it any further, getting to know each other.

    However, if someone tells ME they’re going to call and I don’t hear from them in 3 days, I either think something might have happened that they just couldn’t call OR they’re just not interested.

    I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt at first, but if it happens again, I just realize that they are not interested.

    GREAT post!

    Have a fab weekend, girl!


    • Aww you are always full of compliments! ((HUGS)) And you are right I think relationships are relationships regardless of sexual preference. We are all the same in that we want to feel wanted and when someone says they are gonna call and dont…well thats plain rude! Thanks so much for stopping by have a fantastic weekend!

  3. So first of all chivalry isn’t dead but unfortunately mush like common sense its so rare that it might as well be a super power lol.

    With that said its possible the older generation disagrees is because things were different back then. think about it. cell phone were just coming out and know where near what they are today. same with internet so communication wasn’t anywhere near as quick as it is now so expectation were less. Even i remember the days of pagers, having to share the land line, and playing phone tag with answering machines. times were much simpler then.

    From the guys perspective all I can say is that if i like a girl, especially if i’m trying to get her, idc if I’m working 12-15 hours in a day I always find time to show her that I’m thinking of her. So I’d have to agree that “If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind”.

    • I never even really thought of the advancement of technology that might be a factor with the generation gap. Nowadays we are so tied to our phones that the idea that another person is not seems crazy to us. Really good point thanks for bringing it up!

  4. I agree with what Greg Behrendt said at the beginning of your blog. If I’m into a girl, I wouldn’t wait three days. However, being one to play by my own rules I would just do whatever came natural. If that meant texting and calling her everyday, than I would. If she didn’t like it, than maybe she doesn’t like me. If I waited 3, 4 or 5 days, than I probably wasn’t into her that much anyway. Unless I was waiting to see how long it took her to text me. Goes both ways, IMO.

    • I agreed with you all up until the point where you said “Unless I was waiting to see how long it took her to text me.” This is not the girls job! It is the man’s job to chase. The girl is supposed to pretend like she doesnt care otherwise she is considered “clingy”.

  5. “Wherefore art thou, Chivalry?”
    “I am here and I am Chivalry. I am Not dead. I live in every human being, personifying honesty, truth, courtesy, honor and the protection of others. I am the virtuous ideal that ALL human beings should strive for. I hold No ‘isms’. I do mot discriminate against against age, sex, race, social statues or any other countless evils against my fellow human. I was conceived during a time when men were the rulers and masters of All. Land, women, children, life was controlled by the male gender. I have evolved. Matured. Learned and grown to realize the equality of All who breath and think. It pains me to witness segregation in relationships. We, men & women, are Not at war,! It is not us against them. We need to stand united, not separate people in a battle that has not worked in thousands of years. Perhaps it is time to change our M.O. and try something new. I am Chivalry and I’ m an equal opportunity entity.”
    Hmmmmm….. I like what Chivalry stated. I personally have No desire to be persuade and chased by some wanna be stalker. Speak your mind as I have not learned the art of mind reading. I want to be equal, not placed on a pedestal or have unrealistic expectatons of me. I want to be cherished and to cherish in return. To receive flowers and to send flowers. I want the lines that separate to be erase for all people,.
    Do I believe in the 3 day rule? I have never waited for anyone to call. Tell me honestly your intentions. If you say you’ll caall and it doesn’t happen for 5 days, I figure something happened. That’s just life….technology or not. I’m not waiting…I have a life and I’m too well aware of how quickly it changes on a dime. It bears no negativity on my thoughts or intentions.
    Then again, I’m old. Real men (underline real) call when they say or have legitimate, honest reasons for not, I have no time or desire for boys playing men. Never have. AND, I am NO ones girl. Sheesh 🙂 Hugs, Aunt Dee

    • Haha Aunt Dee this was awesome to read. I guess some people want equality but in a relationship I want to feel wanted. I dont want to put 110 percent for them to put in 40 percent. I want the guy to do the work to get me and then and only then will I put the effort in to the relationship. I guess I am a little more old fashioned.

      • Not sure if that is old fashion. I do agree that not putting equal percentages into the relationship demands a withdrawal. I don’t think it’s fair for the guy to do all the work. Back to equal. 🙂 I love feeling wanted and can’t think of any relationship I’ve ever been in that I haven’t. It’s not a 2sided relationship if you don’t feel wanted. The work, for me, consists of Both parties striving to “get each other,” Both parties feel wanted and not used. It has worked for me. I can honestly say that I have never had a bad break up and can still hang out comfortably with all my X’s. 🙂

  6. I’m with you – for either gender. Relationships should be exciting at the outset, if either party is taking more than 3 days to return a contact, then the spark just isn’t there and you are wasting your time. Not every text has to be immediately returned, but three days is totally reasonable. If they were going to be unreachable for more than three days, then they should have mentioned that. If their mom is in the hospital, they can still somewhere in those 72 hours find 3 min to text “hey, things aren’t good, miss you, talk later”. And then talk later.

    And another pet peeve is when it falls to one person to start every conversation. If the other person isn’t initiating any contact, it’s a sign that they are moving into “friend” territory because they really can manage just fine without talking to you.

    Mind you, I’ve also been the “girl interpreter” for a male friend. His downfall was trying to talk too much, wondering why she hasn’t replied in an hour… Dating is not easy.

    • I totally agree with you. And I definitely share your pet peeve. It is up to BOTH people to show interest. I think its funny that you mentioned being the “girl interpreter” this is very often my role. Guys really are as clueless as us most of the time!

      • Oh for sure, clueless is right. I see red flags where he sees promising responses. I tell him to bring all the crazy to me. I think he would scare some women off because he just wants a relationship to work so much.

  7. I was raised by my father and grandfather to open the car door, open any door for that fact, and lend my coat if i’m with a women if she looks cold. Its not so much one person from another, like criminals behavior can be traced back to environmental factors growing up. A boy who grew up watching a male figure in his house be verbally or physically abusive is more likely to pick that up as he gets older. We all need a role model or a mentor. Whether it be for work, relationships, or education. It doesn’t hurt to be helped out in any case. Shae, great topic, very good read. Looking forward to your next one.

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